Flashback #15: My Aha Moment In Progress.

This was an Aha moment that I have been working on understanding for my entire mission. I was just reminded of it this week at a missionary meeting. You might already think you understand this concept, and maybe you do. Something that may help to understand this post better is by reading this talk by Ezra Taft Benson. Highly recommended.

This post is about a subject that can be sensitive.

It also comes with a challenge, if you're willing to accept it. Have a pencil and paper ready :)

November 11, 2011

I've been thinking for a long time about what I want to put for this, my next post. I can't really describe what's been happening in my missionary life over the past two weeks. Touched by the Spirit, changed by God, born again if you will, in a mission sense. (I have learned that this is a continual process) Although these ideas seem to come close, none of them really feel quite right to me, There is something more.

 I've thought about blogging on repentance (one of my favorite topics!), faith (the other favorite), the Holy Ghost, what it's like to be in a hard situation, or what it's like to feel despair, abandonment, lonliness, confusion, frustration or anger from a missionary standpoint. I've also thought about what it's like to look for hope when you feel hopeless. I have felt each of these topics hit my life hard for the past couple of months on my mission, and especially over the past two weeks after the transition to Clarksville. The battle wasn't between me and the work, it was between me and my own pride.

Pride is probably my third most favorite topic to study. It is often said that pride is the root of all sin, and as I have studied, I have seen that it is as true as anything I have ever seen!

I came up with this pride chart in my first area. I want to improve upon it to make it easier to read and understand. I think though, that one can get the general idea.

"But Sister Franson," you might say, "How is depression a form of PRIDE? People who are depressed aren't proud or boastful." (see updated note below, 2nd paragraph.) Well, my dear friends, pride is not limited to haughtiness and being stuck-up so to speak. Pride is whenever we are not allowing ourselves to do as God would have us do, to think as God would have us think.

 The one flaw (Now I would say that there are many flaws- this post is just tracing my growth!) I have found in this graph is the bottom right hand corner. I don't think that anything falls into that category. If you are truly humble as Heavenly Father would have you be, you would KNOW who you ARE- a child of God. That assurance, that strong testimony of knowing who you are cannot leave you feeling negative about your self-worth. It is simply not possible for those two ideas to be together and isolated from other pride issues.

Ok.

I actually just added the pride chart today. I didn't have a copy in front of me, and like I said, I think it might help you to get the idea. I really haven't spent a lot of time on it, and I am open to suggestions- positive and constructive please :) I recognize that this chart it at least as flawed as I am.

I did at one point have depression in the bottom left corner, then I had a dear friend point out that there are many forms of depression that aren't a result of pride- for instance, when you lose a loved one or for those who have medical conditions or other tragic events that happen in life. However, I have found from personal experience that whenever I have a negative thought of any kind towards myself, others, or anything else in my environment no matter how great or small, it is traced back to pride: to not believing or being frustrated with God, to being afraid of man more than God, to being envious of others success, etc. When I find myself searching for the root of the problem, I can change that thought, if I am humble enough and willing to let God help me to fix it.

THE CHALLENGE:  If your have any thought, negative or angry, ask yourself why you might be feeling that way. Write it down if you want to. Be completely honest. Maybe you will ask yourself what you fear, what or who you feel has hurt you, or you can ask yourself what it is that you really want. Take it to the Lord. He will listen, and He will help you know how to overcome it.

Just try it out. I dare you.

Have an action-packed day!
Love, Sister Franson